Dealing With Peer Pressure
Dear Gerda:
Hi. I’m a student (I’m 15) and want to ask
you a serious question. My question is: How
are students my age supposed to deal with
what adults call peer pressure and still
have a life and do good in school? I don’t
think adults really know what it’s like to
have other people constantly trying to get
you to do drugs, have sex, steal, and do
other bad things. And if you don’t do what
they want you to do, they beat you up, slash
your car tires, hurt your sister, or
something worse. It makes you hate school.
What gives?
You are right. Many adults do not
understand the perplexities of today’s teen
society with the pressures and challenges
they bring. Peer pressure does influence
teen’s behavior from clothing, music, and
social activities to their choices in
friends. Peer pressure does not have to be
bad, however. Choosing the right peers to
associate with is the key. Then peer
association has many benefits for the
developing teenager. It provides a sense of
belonging and acceptance, offers
independence from family, and provides
worthwhile social support during the period
of transition and confusion that can occur
during the teen years. The peer group serves
a mirror through which appropriate behaviors
are tried out and tried on.
Peer association becomes pressure when teens
adopt behaviors and act in a certain manner
because they believe their friends expect
them to and are afraid of rejection from the
group if they don’t. A lot of times peer
pressure is hard to see as what it is. Young
people are sometimes accidentally drawn into
doing things in order to satisfy their
hunger for belonging. A teen’s reaction to
peer pressure is most often determined by
their present family situation. Teens tend
to choose friends and groups on the outside
to replace what is missing at home. It
appears that you have solidity at home or
through your relationship with someone else
whom you respect. As a result, you believe
in doing something better for yourself in
life. Most likely you know teens who are
stealing, drinking, selling drugs, or using
drugs due to their peer associations.
Adults have a responsibility to recognize
that peer pressure is a part of the teen
experience and to help guide them in
choosing the right friends and making
healthy decisions. There are teens who excel
academically, don’t use drugs, steal, have
sex, or beat people up. They are
well-mannered, kind to others, and have fun
without harming themselves or others. Their
group may not look exciting if they appear
quiet and shy. But behind the scenes, they
are often quite interesting.
You know who you are as a person, and
obviously have values of right and wrong.
Choose friends that honor who you are. Avoid
friends who have a need to be in control and
disregard your feelings. Keep a good sense
of what your goals are and learn to say no
to things that are oppositional to your
goals. Choose friends from your age group
who will not pressure you to do things that
are illegal. Sports may be a good avenue
through which you can gain a sense of
purpose and fulfillment. Also maintain a
close relationship with your parents or
another significant adult who you respect
and who will provide support and guidance.
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